December 26, 2007

Hello everyone,
I hope all is well out there.

It's the day after Christmas. I haven't posted in a while. I can't say I haven't thought about it. The funny thing is that my illness is what kept me from continuing this blog.

Two of the major symptoms that I suffer from are, CONFUSION and INDECISION! I can't cancentrate to save my life right now. Well, maybe to save my life. I can't make the smallest decisions. To write or not to write. To buy bread or not to buy bread. It doesn't matter what it is.
So just thinking about writing is a decision that I couldn't make. I guess I made the decision by not deciding.
Anyway, I wasn't really looking forward to Christmas this year. Actually, I don't ever really look forward to Christmas. However this year has been harder than any of the past. This is my first Christmas without my mom and dad. It's funny, because even though that is the case, I really didn't think about them alot. I have been preoccupied with my boyfriend going into rehab. He went in on Thursday the 20th. It was really hard for me to leave him there, and I have done nothing but worry about him since. I did get to visit with him for a few hours on Christmas day. That made me feel alot better. He looked good, and told me he was OK and that he felt more comfortable in this rehab than at another one he tried a few months ago.

There is so much I want to say about my life, I am feeling a little overwhelmed. I don't feel like anyone wants to read about my boring life, but that is part of how my brain works. The point of all this is to help anyone who is looking for help. Not really help, but read about how depression affects my daily life, the things I do to help myself, etc. It's hard for me to express why I am doing this, because it's not like there are a list of reasons. It's more about what I write and how I write it. I'm trying to explain a little better how a person who suffers from depression will understand what I mean. My brain doesn't work the way people who don't have depression does. Believe it or not, it is very hard even now for me to believe that I have this illness. I thought everyone was like this. I just always wondered why I couldn't do the things that everyone else can. Like hold a full time job. If you asked me why, I still at 37 years old, can't explain it.

Anyway, this blog is a work in progress. So it will probably be changing everyday. Besides the fact that I can't decide how I want it to look and sound and whatever else I need to decide on. I would like to be able to have other things like inspirational, and things that will make people laugh.

I want to help anyone I can deal with depression and their daily life.