February 24, 2008

Hi everyone,
I know it has been a while since I posted. Alot of things have been going on besides the fact that my phone and internet service were disconnected. Yet more fallout from when my boyfriend was using.

The telephone bill is only one of many bills that have gone unpaid over the last few months. Lucky for me the electric company can't turn off my heat between Nov 15th and March 15th, give or take a week or so. As long as you can provide proof that you participate in one of the low-income energy programs. I'm in New Jersey, I don't know what programs are available in other states.

Although they can't turn off my power doesn't mean the bill isn't still getting bigger. That I will have to deal with in the spring.

Back to the phone bill. Needless to say, I haven't been able to get online at home, and doing it at someone's house was unreasonable considering I am on the computer for hours at a time.

Anyway, things have been pretty rough since my boyfriend went into rehab. I was so relieved when he went, but then I had to deal with him being gone and the path of destruction he left behind. It's almost the end of January and he is still there, and doing well. For anyone who wants to know, he is in the Salvation Army Men's Rehab Program. I don't know alot about rehab programs, but so far I have heard nothing but good things about this one.

There are so many things I want to talk about, I don't know where to start.

I have been trying to work for the past few weeks, but haven't been able to get myself there. Work is one of my most important issues. The fact that I can't hold a full time job, and never have.

This is really hard for me. Just writing, and putting it together so it makes sense. Maybe I should make an outline.

As I post on this blog, like I said, I struggle to make sense. I think I am missing the point of why I am making this blog. The point is so that people who suffer from depression can read and be able to relate to someone else who has or is experiencing the same things. Whether I make sense or not, if I try to keep it as realistic as I can about my experience of life, maybe someone can find some relief in my words. There is nothing like relief from depression.

A dear sweet friend of mine makes lists on index cards everyday. She thinks that it's weird and wacky, or so she is told, but how different is it really from a "To Do" list except on regular paper? The whole point is to remember the things we need to do. Now actually getting them done is another story. This can be overwhelming. I can imagine her saying something like, "if I make a short list, maybe 2 things, then when I get them done, I will be happy I accomplished something." She's no dummy! We are different, yet the same in many ways.

This is for her as I know she is going to read this (she likes my blog, quite possibly the only person on the net who has been reading it or knows it exists!) Everyone out there might want stock in Kleenex, because after she reads this I'm sure the stock will go sky high!

I want my dear friend to know how grateful I am for her kindness. Eventhough we haven't known eachother for a long time, I do believe you are an enlightened soul, who everyday manages to transcend life's struggles, yestarday's and today's.

Wow, I am at a lose for words. I don't think I can say anything to follow that.

I can say however that because it has been so long since I have posted, I will probably be posting alot now that I'm back online. I have alot of catching up to do.

Your comments are welcome, so please don't hesitate to let me know what you think.